Northern California Barbie Dolls
This probably won’t mean too much unless you’ve lived in Northern California, but it’s still a bit funny and might apply to other areas with little place-name changes.
Mattel Inc. today announces the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls, specifically for the Northern California Market:
Pleasanton Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at the Stoneridge Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and a cookie cutter house. Options include tummy tuck, face lift and a workaholic Ken.
San Ramon Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan, gets lost easily, and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit available.
Richmond Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a low-rider Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows, and Meth Lab Ken.
Pinole Barbie: This Barbie is the wanna-be San Ramon Barbie, only she usually carries a knife to stab her fellow Barbies in the back with. She’s available with cell phone, SUV and a drink in her hand.
El Sobrante Barbie: This Barbie is truly one of a kind. Comes with Biker Ken & his Harley and a replica of the Capri Club. She only hangs out with Ken because he has a bike and when he’s not around she’s looking for another man - who has a bike. Watch out! She usually doesn’t care if he has a wife or girlfriend. Otherwise known as Scooter Tramp Barbie.
Folsom Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card and shallow Ken.
Sacramento Barbie: This Barbie comes with an exclusive set of luggage since she is always traveling to the Bay area or to Reno/Tahoe; very rarely stays at home. She comes with two basketball jerseys since she’s an avid Kings/Monarchs fan. River Cats Ken available separately. State Worker version has a look of perpetual concern on her face over the disposition of her politically-driven employment. Also comes with seasonal allergy kit.
Stockton Barbie: This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken’s ass when she’s drunk. A pickup is available with stick-on Confederate flag bumper stickers.
Tahoe Barbie: This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie still has not learned that you can’t wear a leopard print ski outfit without looking passe, even if you are actually skiing.
Berkeley Barbie: This Barbie actually comes in two variations. One has long gray hair and archless feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup and a mutt. The other version has frizzy hair, a dingy white tank top, low cut jeans and scratch-n-sniff armpits.
Bakersfield Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie still has not learned that you can’t wear high-heeled sandals from Payless with no pedicure and without breaking a heel and falling while you chase your beer-gutted, hollow gold-chain-wearing boyfriend. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with lips covered in a sparkly pink color or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back of her jeans, a white barely-there see-through shirt. Her long, layered hair is bleached/highlighted and BIG. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi and r! usty old Ford pick up.
Texas Transplant Barbie: This bitch of a Barbie comes with a Ford SUV (Texas plates), a knife to stab other Barbies in the back, and tons of makeup. Beer-swilling Carnivore Ken sold separately.
They are working on developing an “Oakland Barbie”, but she keeps getting shot.
Monte Sereno Barbie: This True Blonde shops exclusively in Santana Row and Carmel. She drives her Land Rover (sold separately) to the Saratoga > Public Library. She has an MBA from Stanford but has never worked outside the home. Her child stroller is bigger than your house and her tennis trophies are discreetly hidden behind CEO Ken’s golf trophies. She knows enough Spanish to talk> with the nanny; Tagalog to speak to the cook; and Chinese, Vietnamese and Korean, to talk with the gardener, house painter, and housekeeper respectively. She is a lifelong member of the Junior League and her estate is featured in Architectural Digest. Her family owns a winery in Napa, but she buys cases of “2-Buck Chuck” at Trader Joe’s, hence the need for the rear-loading Land Rover. Her dirty little secret?? She’s a closet Democrat.
Thanks to Cherry Bomb for sending this one in!
originally posted by: dugh
December 31st, 1969 at 4:00 pm
Oh! cute :)
I’m shopping them all today!!
December 31st, 1969 at 4:00 pm
All your Barbie is belong to us
They forgot Unwashed lesbian left-wing Mission Barbie (comes annoying Green party literature and sour look on face), Junky-whore Tenderloin Barbie (comes with used syringe and Carl’s Jr. “spare change” cup), and Botox n’ blow Seacliff Barbie (comes with Percodan® and platinum coke spoon).
December 31st, 1969 at 4:00 pm
We think the above comment is really offensive. And not at all funny.
December 31st, 1969 at 4:00 pm
Screw that…
…I think Nob Hill Ken is a riot!